Decisions

Six months ago, I wrote about my mother-in-law’s fall, as well as my reflections on the genocide that was just starting to unfold in Gaza. At the time, I was hopeful that our leaders would anchor their decisions on love, which would have prioritized stopping the violence, returning all hostages, and working on repair and healing. Unfortunately, our leaders have decided not to take that path; a decision that has killed thousands of civilians and children and will ripple across the globe for generations to come.

As it relates to my mother-in-law, while she was recovering in the hospital, she was clear – she wanted to go home. She has always lived independently so for her, going to a rehab facility, which is what the doctors recommended, would have removed her independence.

The doctors and family honored her decision, and she went home. My mother-in-law has been bed-ridden ever since her fall and while early on, therapists did home visits to help her regain her mobility, it was not at a level or frequency that she required, nor did she care for them being in her home. As a result, my husband and his siblings have been supplementing the care my mother-in-law receives from her home health aide to ensure that she has 24/7 care.

While the agency that provides her home health aide increased her pre-fall support from 4-hours, 3-days a week to 32-hours across 7-days post-fall, these additional hours do not match the doctor’s request for 24/7 care. Why the discrepancy? Someone at the agency decided to reject the doctor’s request; a decision that my husband and his family have been appealing ever since for the very crucial fact that my mother-in-law's survival depends on round the clock care.

Anyone within the United States who has had to depend on any of our systems in any form or fashion knows that they are not set up to provide support, let alone care. The amount of energy it takes to jump through all the hoops and hurdles diverts attention from what matters most, which is being present and sharing space with the people we love. Throw in unresolved family dynamics into the mix and it comes as no surprise that folks decide to tap out and refuse to engage with each other – it’s a lot.

I want to be clear that what I am highlighting is about the system and the people who make decisions about the care and support that individuals and their families receive. This is not about the professionals who have been providing care to my mother-in-law. Across the board, we have been fortunate that the team caring for my mother-in-law has been empathetic and compassionate, recognizing the ridiculousness of the situation, and who are also caught up within this broader system that often neglects to show them care.

After months of things seemingly going nowhere, a real glimmer of hope finally emerged. Last week, the non-profit that my husband connected with to support his family’s appeal shared the news that they won. Of course, this now presents a new set of decisions that the family needs to make. However, had it not been for the entire sequence of decisions that they and others made to appeal and to continue to show up – especially when it seemed hopeless – they would have never experienced this outcome.

This breakthrough in my mother-in-law’s case serves as a reminder to me that whenever we authentically center our decisions and actions on love, it is never in vain. I recognize that this could have turned out very differently and that for many people, a breakthrough never comes. However, when the alternative is to totally close off the possibility of a different outcome, I will always be on the side of continuing to move in love, for myself and others.

This brings me back to our global community. Whether global liberation manifests in my lifetime or well after I join the ancestors, I know in every fiber of my being that when I embody love, I contribute to liberation, in both big and small ways.

For our annual card in December, my husband and I decided to call attention to two different worlds for Palestinian children. While we cannot undo the decisions that we have made over the last six months, we can still make decisions that will create a world rooted in love.

Reflection Questions

What goes into your decision-making process? What can you do to embed love in your decisions? What can you do to repair harm that comes from your decisions?