Why love?

Throughout my entire academic and professional career, I have studied and worked to address inequitable conditions that shape outcomes for individuals, families, communities, and society. As I prepared to transition out of my role last year, I decided to take a break to reflect on my career and think about what I wanted to do next. It was my first real break in over 30 years.

As I reflected, I realized how enmeshed my sense of self was with my work. This created the breeding ground for me to show up in ways that worked against my intentions. I thought about the instances I said and did things that brought harm to myself and others. I thought about the instances I said and did things that brought healing and connection. Last, I thought about the various ways that workplace cultures and relationships influenced how I showed up, in work and in life.

As I narrowed in to reflect specifically on my own and others' experiences with dysfunctional workplace dynamics and the multiple approaches and frameworks to build healthier dynamics, I realized that it all ultimately boils down to two things – ego and love. I believe that ego-driven actions are at the root of all our workplace issues and that if we want our workplaces to be environments where individuals thrive as they do the work, love-driven actions are the only actions that simultaneously serve us and the work.

With the support of therapy, meditation, and my loving partner and community, I am practicing setting boundaries between my sense of self and my work to minimize the extent to which my ego shows up in disruptive ways. I am practicing awareness and understanding of when and why my ego is showing up. I am practicing giving myself grace when my ego shows up in harmful ways and repairing damage caused to myself and others. Finally, I am practicing gratitude and celebration when I show up with love.

I say practicing intentionally to emphasize that this is ongoing work that requires continuous awareness, reflection, and course-correction, which is not always easy. However, like any work to undo old habits and build new ones, the challenges and discomforts I have experienced over the last year pale in comparison to the benefits I have gained.

Without fully realizing the journey I was about to embark on, I shared the following wisdom from bell hooks in my farewell to my former colleagues:

“The moment we choose to love we begin to move against domination, against oppression. The moment we choose to love we begin to move towards freedom, to act in ways that liberate ourselves and others.”

I invite you all to join me – let us choose to love.